I Will Follow

I Will Follow 

The invitation time is an important part of the service. Yet,  what happens when the preacher who is receiving people for a response needs to give a response himself?  

Several months ago I felt a strong call of God to respond to His Spirit that was speaking and leading me in my spirit. 

For months I've been battling the Lord, in this leading. I've been battling for many reasons. 

Fear, the unknown, fear of the unknown.  I've been battling God over the details, and simply battling a feeling of not being able to do what has asked of me. 

This battle has been one of the most important 

test I think I've ever had to fight and while honestly it's been much of my own doing, it has seemed like a prison sentence for my soul.   

I have experienced many other emotions and desires during these months of struggle.  I feel as I have sorted all of this out in my mind and heart that I have come to only one conclusion.

 I must obey no mater the cost, and no matter how much I love you. 

I had a strong calling to this church and I wanted to have an equally strong calling to say goodbye. 

Through these months of struggling I can honestly say God has confirmed again and again His leading in my life.  He has both affirmed and reaffirmed this calling. 

What I know is that through His Word and through much prayer I am today as confident as I was confused. While I still do not know how, or when, or for that matter, why.  What I do know is I must surrender.  

Therefore, public surrender is my first step in this new journey. 

At this time, I honestly feel as if I am stepping into the water of the unknown. Furthermore,  I feel like I am walking onto an unknown path and  I am navigating through uncharted waters. 

However,  while I do not know what tomorrow holds I know the one who holds my tomorrow and I must prove my trust in Him.  

That is why I cannot deny that faith in a God who has all the answers is where I need to rest. Into His hands I commit my ways and I am sure that there is no safer place than to be with Him and in Him. 

Today, I am announcing to all I know and love that I am surrendering  to a new phase of ministry and life.  A life without certain comforts  and certainties That I have come to rely on.  For me today, what has become  the safe and familiar is no longer faith. 

While, making this surrender means I do not have a church to preach at, and certainly no one is calling me to come.  

At this moment I only have  a burden that if I surrender, God will provide places of ministry for me.  So in certain terms a real part of my battle has been to die to who I have become in order that I can be made into what God desires. 

While that makes a good sermon, it makes for a hard life to lead. One I've almost said I was unwilling to make. 

Many of you will have many questions. I had plenty of my own.  This decision makes no sense,  so please don't ask me to explain it other than to say: "I must obey."

I want to serve  God with all of my heart, and I do not want to be one who has the epithet "He loved God but not with his whole heart."

What this means for me and for you  is that life is changing. Life is changing for me and my family.  Still I know that this decision will  most assuredly change life for all of us. 

If you will allow me,  I want to do my best to explain a few of the steps that confirmed this calling for me.

First, almost two years ago I was preaching through Ezekiel.    As I was studying God's word something stood out to me:  God changed Ezekiel's profession from a priest to a prophet. 

As I studied that, I felt the Lord impress upon my heart: "Steven,  what I did for him I will do with you."   Instead of my first response being:  "Yes Lord" as I have preached, it was more like, "what did you say?  I don't want to do that, maybe I did not hear you correctly."

I struggled with this for several days as I continued to write for that sermon series. 

One day I was sharing my heart with my wife and I posed an off the wall question. "What if?"  What if God were to direct me in new ways?  Instead of me being a pastor I became and evangelist?"  Her response shocked me.  "I am ready and waiting on God to lead you." 

I remember the shock of that conversation. "This could not be happening."  I said to myself. She was supposed to say, "no." She was supposed to say: "You are crazy".   Rather she said things like, "if God is leading us He will provide."

For someone who has struggled with fear she had become so strong, and for me someone who seemed to walk in faith I was in the shadows of so much fear and doubt. 

While I knew that what my wife said was truth, the real question for me was now: was it truth only  in theory or  was I ready to practice it?    

While I had preached it to others was  I willing to live it myself?  This would be the test of my heart and soul over the next several months. 

I decided to tell the Lord maybe someday.  Right now I'm needed here.  Qualifiers began to surface in my hearts conversations with the almighty. 

As the weeks turned into months  what unfolded was again an unexpected moment in the scriptures that spoke to my heart. 

Again, I was preparing to preach through the Minor prophets.  Everything was going great until I came to an obscure passage in  Amos  Chapter 7 and verse 15.   

But the LORD took me from following the flock, and the LORD said to me, 'Go, prophesy to my people Israel.' - Amos 7:15

 When I came to that passage in my spirit I wept. Why?  Because for months, I had suppressed a calling. You see,  a calling of God cannot be ignored or denied.    I had made a fatal spiritual flaw: God does not forget what he directs. 

I know this passage was for Amos and so this was  his testimony and not mine.  Please understand me,  I am not for once saying to anyone that I am likened unto Ezekiel or Amos.  For I am not. But I am saying that through His word God has spoken to his children and it is through His word that He continues to speak to His children today. 

For what we hold in our hands is alive and still at work today. It is more than ink on white pages or words on a digital screen. It is life to our souls. The word of God is still the word of God. 

As I meditated on that Amos passage I told the Lord: "I love my flock and I enjoyed being a shepherd to them.  I'm not ready to leave them, Lord."  I remember saying: "I've been here longer than anywhere God"   I reasoned with the Lord, "let me stay here until the girls are out of school then I will go."

One day in our family devotions I casually mentioned to the family in a form of a question: "what if our life changed and daddy did ministry in a different way?"  Most of the girls were at first a little,  to a lot resistant. 

During those moments, I remember fighting against the goads of God and I would say things like: "Even if I am willing to go, my children will not want to go." Don't ever issue a challenge to God for nothing is to big for him. 

During those days my excuse became my kids.  So  I told the Lord, "If  you want me to step out into the unknown, Change my children's heart."

This God did over the next several months.  

I wont go into all the details here, but Leighanna who was probably the most hesitant came to me by way of letter and then in person, confirming the call he had and was placing on our family.

The letter came in the late spring of 2015.  Then in the early fall of 2015 she came into the living room when Tammie and were talking and  she said "I need to talk to you."

She conveyed to us that during the summer while on a mission trip to New Orleans the Lord convinced and convicted her that we would be moving soon and she needed to support this decision. So she said while I don't want to Go. I trust you to follow God and I know he is leading you. 

Now, I had no more excuses.  My wife was willing, my children one by one confirmed they were willing. There was only one real question left.  It was the real question that remained:  was I willing to obey?

It was easier to blame my delayed obedience on others. To hide behind the vale of others is always easier than looking into the mirror.  

The Spirit then worked overtime on my heart: Day, and night this decision weighed heavy on my heart.  

All I can say is that delayed obedience is disobedience and I don't want to disobey anymore.  So with all my heart, please know I mean this:  I love this church and I love  the people of this church. 

I do not know what the future holds and I do not know what my next steps are but I can't deny God is directing me. I must obey.  I am willing to sit down with the leadership of the church and see what our next steps are.   

As I said I do not have an agenda nor do I have a church calling on me tomorrow.  So I don't have a date in mind. I'm willing to do and stay and serve but i need to express the burning in my heart. 

So if I serve here two more weeks or two more years I will do my best into the Lord to lead and guide and teach and live before you with an honest and broken heart. 

I am confident of this:  Wherever  He leads, He will bless. That means as life changes for both of He will provide for both of us.  So let us trust him, with our Whole heart. 

I know this is shocking and upsetting to many of you. I don't want to hurt  you but  I cannot ask you to surrender your all if I'm not willing to surrender my all. I only ask you to let's commit ourselves together in prayer, seek His will and Obey. 

God is on his throne and more than ever I am convinced  He is at work.